I had problems before I ever started. I forgot to bring a hair band. I did not think this would be a big deal. Just stuff your hair in the swim cap, right? Wrong. Turns out that stuffing wildly free hair into a latex swimp cap is like corraling children at an amusement park, or something equally obnoxious and impossible. I finally got it done but the swim cap was askew and I looked insane. Oh well. I had 3000m to go.
The first 500m mostly consisted of thinking "WTF is wrong with my goggles?!?!" They refused to seal onto my right eye. I was convinced that (1) my goggles were broken, or (2) my face was broken. Neither was correct. As it turns out, goggles do not sunction to latex and my askew swim cap was already causing issues. Many a short break were taken and many a cuss words were uttered before I solved this mystery. And then I finally got to work.
I swam the last 2500m pretty solid and felt strong, but there was plenty of time for random thoughts. Here are a few:
- Who's bandaid is that floating below me?
- How far exactly is 2.4 miles? (Followed by 6 laps of long division while swimming)
- Do those old fat guys actually work out at the gym or do they just creep in the spa and sauna?
- I didn't know it was possible to have a coughing fit under water. It is.
- Why is that sitting there lurking?
- Followed by, oh, he is waiting for a lane.
- Followed by, why doesn't he just ask someone to share a lane?
- Followed by.. I hope he doesn't ask me to share my line.
- I think I have PTSD from the lane hogger last week because my body flenches when it gets near the lane divider (I literally had bruises on my hands and feet)
- Hand paddles should be outlawed (the guy in the lane next to me had them)
- Are flippers really necessary in the pool? We're not scuba diving here. (that was the guy in the next lane again)
- I wonder if that guy in Alabama really killed his wife while scuba diving on their honeymoon... (anyone ever watch GMA?)
- Nah, she was probably just a noob who shouldn't have been scuba diving.
- That's bad karma. I'm probably gonna drown.
- I wonder if everyone has ever drowned during an Ironman. I should google that.
- The butterfly stroke should be outlawed (guy next to me again).
- How good will an Arby's roast beef sandwich taste after this swim? (Answer: really good)
- Oh no, that guy just asked to be my lane buddy. These last 20 laps could be miserable...
- Nope. Most courteous (and skinny) lane buddy ever!
- Am I done yet?